Hi everyone!
I just updated my cooking challenge page with a few new recipes ticked off the list - I've now completed 31 recipes so far with 41 to go. I've been going a bit Eastern crazy lately as I've done the Thai Green curry and more falafel (but baked this time which made me feel a lot better about the calorie content!) and I'm thinking of doing a chickpea and potato curry in the next week or so. Check out my Cooking Challenge page if you have a moment!
In other news, Tom's birthday has been and gone - we went to Silverstone to see the Free Practice for the MotoGP. Unfortunately we couldn't stay for the actual race on the Sunday as Tom had to work but we still had a brilliant time (despite the typical British weather that somehow left me drenched and sunburnt in equal measures) and we're already thinking about booking the whole weekend away next year.
Free Practice on the Friday at Silverstone
Because of our trip to Silverstone I thought Tom's birthday card should have a MotoGP theme to it, and after wracking my brains for days I finally came up with a design I really liked involving a hidden message - the design had checkered flags on the outside, and images of one of Tom's favourite MotoGP riders, Casey Stoner on the inside, and a hidden message in the folded part...
Checkered flags (which took ages...)
MotoGP winner 2012 Casey Stoner
Before he won the Championship last year Casey Stoner's rider number was 27 so I thought this would work well seeing as Tom turned 27 this year.
And now that Stoner is the reigning champion he is now riding under the number 1, so I thought I could play on this to write a cheesy message on the inside of the hidden part of the card.
It's small but the blue number on the bike is 1
I found the hidden message card tutorial on Youtube here (it takes a second or so for the video to start) and even though the original design on the video was quite feminine, the basics can be applied to any kind of card like the one I made.
In addition to the recipes on my Cooking Challenge list I also baked some toffee brownies as a late birthday treat for Tom. Absolutely, unbelievably, sinfully delicious, but so, so bad for you it doesn't bear thinking about (seriously, a whole stick of butter and 3 and a half bars of chocolate went into it!).
In other news, I'm going to be working at another Flower Show in London next week (Hampton Court) which also coincides with a family party to celebrate my cousin Jenny's end of treatment for breast cancer and her 40th birthday, so I'm really pleased I've managed to coordinate things so that I can work on the stand and do the family thing as well.
What else? Oh yes, we had Australian Christmas last weekend which was great fun - it's essentially a big get together for friends who we might not see on a regular basis and we have a bbq and just pretend like it's Christmas in Australia (but without the presents). There's been so much going on in the last month that it's been quite hard to stick to my budget so I'm hoping the next couple of weeks I can get by without spending much and slowly get more out of my overdraft. There's more birthdays coming up in July (including mine) so I'll still have to be careful about money for the time being.
And finally I got to see a specialist about the on and off dizziness I've been having, and he doesn't actually think I have labyrinthitis, which is good news in one sense as it means I won't be left with lasting damage to my inner ear. Unfortunately though he believes I'm been getting vestibular migraines which are what is affecting my balance, and which means I might need to be on medication for the rest of my life (boooo), and also means I have to completely cut out caffeine. Now I can cope without the stimulant side of caffeine as I don't drink much real caffeine these days anyway, but I just really like the taste of coffee and tea, so not sure how I'm going to cope without that. The bit that really upsets me though is.... *pause for dramatic effect*..... no more chocolate either!!
CURSES!!
He's definitely missing his Cadbury's Caramel
So that's my life in a nutshell for now. I'll try and update more as the weeks go by on everything (Cooking Challenge, decaffeinating myself, and getting out of my overdraft).
Hi there.
It's certainly been a while since I've written anything substantial on here, but there's been lots going on in my life lately.
Work I completed my first big project at work about a month ago (a Spring/Summer update of new books in our catalogue), which I'm really proud of, and went to London twice in one week for London Book Fair and London Wild Bird Watch, both of which were really good experience, albeit a bit knackering!
Romanian stand at London Book Fair - loved the hanging books!
I got to spend some time with uni friends at the same time (and randomly bumped into another on his way to a football match!) which was just great. I'm now working on the main catalogue for the year which is party a quite tedious job, so I'm looking forward to finishing the amends/proofing stages and getting on to the more creative design side of it. I'm also working on a website refresh project which is going to be an ongoing thing, but am enjoying seeing little things change bit by bit, and working on some proposals to link up with a few people in the industry, which is very exciting, and again really good experience.
Weddings In other news, my friends Steve and Jemma also got married a couple of weekends ago, which was just a brilliant day. If you've read any of my previous posts about the wedding you'll know that Tom and I had agreed to play guitar and sing respectively at the ceremony in addition to other wedding party duties - it was really fun learning new songs together and despite being horribly off-key at the start of the first song (I'm blaming the nerves) we got into it and it ended up sounding quite nice and the bride and groom enjoyed and appreciated it, so that's all that matters in the end.
Luckily enough I also managed to get a new prescription for my labyrinthitis that has recently made a comeback, which has made a huge difference to the dizziness (so no falling over in Church!), and also meant I could have a couple of drinks at the reception as well, which was a real bonus!
The Portal companion cube cake with Halo 'Bride & Groom'
Everything was just so much their personality at the reception it was just awesome. The cake, the name cards, the decorations, their entrance music (the Halo theme!) - everything was just perfect for them. The speeches were great too, especially Andy (best man) - despite his fears, it was funny and very well judged, so well done Andy! :)
I might put this on my desk at work
Jemma and Steve got gifts for all of us in the wedding party as well which was really sweet - the boys got personalised cufflinks (Tom had motorbikes!) and I got a gorgeous notebook and pen set, and a lovely turquoise pendant, which will always remind me of the day (it's the same colour as the wedding colour scheme). It was really thoughtful of you guys so thank you!
The party was great fun - the Transformers theme as the first dance, the band, the 'Jaeger-train', and the last few songs secretly planned by Steve (1000 miles by Vanessa Carlton made me cry). All in all it was one of the best weddings I've been to, and it was great to be staying at the hotel too - we all met up for breakfast in the morning to laugh and joke about the night before, pig out on fried breakfast and copious amounts of tea, or nurse hangovers as the case may have been.
The next day the wedding party (parents excluded) all went to Alton Towers, and again we had amazing luck with the weather - it chucked it down on the Sunday and then was glorious all day long on Monday! - and there was hardly anybody in the park so we managed to get a go on all the best rides at least once (I finally got on Air and Sonic Spinball!). We also tried the new new 'ride' Nemesis Sub Terra which isn't really a rollercoaster, it's more of a scary experience based on the Nemesis backstory - it didn't last very long, but was prett good for what it was, just don't expect a rollercoaster. I'm just glad I didn't have bare legs, put it that way... Here's an ad for the ride:
Gigs and tattoos
The fun didn't stop after the wedding and Alton Towers though, as I'd booked tickets for the following weekend (for Tom's Christmas present) to go see one of our favourite bands Alkaline Trio on their 15th anniversary tour. When we got there we discovered that one of the support bands was in fact The Dear & Departed, who are fronted by Dan Smith, who is also a tattoo artist who works with Kat von D at High Voltage Tattoos in LA (where LA Ink was filmed). Having seen the band featured on the TV show it was great to see them live and in person, and besides the cool factor, I genuinely really enjoyed the music and they were really good live.
I want a butterfly in this style
After their set we went to say hi and had a chat and a photo with Dan. We started talking about tattoos (couldn't pass up the opportunity!) and discovered that he's actually going to be working in Swansea in September so we agreed I'd e-mail him an image of what I was after and hopefully we'll sort something out with his assistant to get an appointment booked. It's very exciting, and because what I want is a little different I wasn't 100% confident that it was something your average tattoo artist was going to be able to achieve in the way I wanted it. At least this way I've seen lots of Dan's work, and I'm confident he's a real professional so if anyone should be able to do, then he should.
After the second supporting act, a guy called Dave Hause (who sang a cover of the Hold Steady's Constructive Summer - yay!), we finally got to see Alkaline Trio! They opened with 'We've Had Enough' which is one of the songs I've been listening to a lot lately, followed by another favourite of mine 'Time To Waste, which they didn't play last time I saw them, so that made me very happy! This is the best video I could find on youtube (my videos were terrible quality) of the opening.
They did quite a few older songs as well that I wasn't so familiar with, but since it was their 15 year anniversary it was to be expected. They did some brilliant acoustic songs including Crawl and Blue In the Face with Dave Hause joining them on stage. I didn't get a good video of this (plus you'd hear me singing in the background which would ruin it slightly), but I found a decent-ish video on Youtube of the same song performed in London a few nights later on.
So that's pretty much everything life-wise so far. I've got a separate post coming up for Cooking Challenge and general food updates, but also lots of other things to be looking forward to as well. I'm going to work at Chelsea Flower Show in a couple of weeks so will be an opportunity to see London friends again, and then I'm planning on looking at wedding dresses again with Tom's sister after that, which should be fun. Then we've got my best friend's birthday weekend and the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, then Tom's birthday, then Australian Christmas, my sister's graduation, and loads more!
It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN...da-da-daaa-daaaaa, da-da-da-daa-daaaaa...
Sorry about that.
It's officially 6 DAYS until Jemma and Steve's wedding and everything is slotting into place - Tom's suit arrived yesterday and it fits him great and he looks so handsome in it!! He really liked it as well, so I think that might be the suit of choice when it comes to be our turn, whenever that may be! (No pressure, of course). I'm so excited to see what everything looks like, the Portal Companion Cube cake, the game character name cards, the first dance.... ah it's all so exciting!
Things have been going well on the singing front too - we've settled on three songs we both like and that we believe are suitable for the church (it's only while they're signing the registers), and we can play and sing them quite happily. We've just submitted the lyrics for the vicar to give final approval but we've thought about it a lot and we're hoping he's ok with our proposed choices:
Grow old with you, by Adam Sandler (from the Wedding Singer)
In it for love, by Richie Sambora (guitarist from Bon Jovi) - the video's here if you're not familiar with it)
Don't wanna miss a thing, by Aerosmith
We've done them a couple of times in front of Tom's family and now they want us to play at his sister Jess's wedding next April, which is cool but we've come to an agreement that Becky has to sing with me, and Rob (Tom's brother and Becky's boyfriend) has to play guitar with Tom. That's a huge relief to me, as I'd forgotten how nerve-wracking it can be to sing in front of people you know, more so than strangers in my experience.
Unfortunately, timing is everything, and this last week I've come down with the symptoms of labyrinthitis again - grrr! So I'm back to being a dizzy mess but thankfully nausea is pretty minimal right now. It's the worst possible timing because I had a mega busy week at work with the launch of my first brochure of the year with the company (it looks so good!), as well as two days in London for various events, so I've had a combination of long days in the office, plus very early starts (of the 'up at 4am' variety) and very long days on the road to and from London, as well as staying up late with uni friends while I was there Friday night, none of which has really helped with the balance issues I've been having. Because it's been so busy at work, it's not been an option to take time off, but I'm hoping that now that all the major stuff is out of the way that I'll be able to chill a bit in the couple of days we have off before and after the wedding next weekend - wishful thinking I'm sure, but you've got to be positive!
I did speak to the chemist though as I'm not sure the drugs I'm taking are really helping the vertigo so I might need to go to the docs on Monday to get a new prescription or a referral to a specialist. The drugs I'm also taking are also the kind that you definitely cannot drink alcohol with so that's a bit of a bummer with the wedding only 6 days away, but I'd rather be sober and not fall over in Church, than have a horrible reaction to booze. Again, terrible timing.
The other complication is that we were planning on going to Alton Towers with friends after the wedding weekend, but I'm pretty sure mega fast rollercoasters won't help the dizziness so I might have to sit out the rides which will be really annoying if I have to miss that. Sometimes life is just not fair.
And of course, when you're feeling dizzy and unsteady on your feet, cooking with gas and sharp utensils isn't exactly the safest of activities so I've not been doing much from my cooking challenge list lately, although I did manage hot cross bun pudding (bread and butter pudding but better - try saying that quickly!) before I got properly messed up by the dizziness. That was definitely a success so I'll be making that again next year :) I'm trying to minimize how much time I'm spending on computers, reading, games or TV right now so I'm not going to type up the recipe for this I'm afraid, but you can find it in Annie Bell's Gorgeous Desserts (in the festive section I think). Only thing I did differently was I used regular caster sugar instead if golden, and I used 1.5 tsp of vanilla flavouring into the custard mixture instead of laying a vanilla pod on top of the pudding, just because I couldn't find any in any of the supermarkets I tried that day, but I don't think that would have made a big different to the taste really.
One word. Yum.
Anyway, I think I'm going to leave the update there for now so I can have a break from typing.
Hope everyone else is well and I'll try and update this more often once the dizziness has calmed down a bit.
Ta ta for now,
So, this is a couple of days late but I only really thought about doing this on New Year's Eve during a Quiz based on memorable events from the past year (which none of us were particularly good at actually).
Anyway, in loose chronological order here are some of the more memorable events in my life from the past 12 months.
1. We bought a Wii Fit just after Christmas 2010 and I got a bit addicted and managed to get quite fit and supple, but got out of the habit half way through the year and have only recently got back into it. I definitely need to use it more this next year!!
2. Tom and I went to see The Hold Steady in concert in Manchester the day before Valentine's Day. It was one of the most fun gigs I've been to in a very long time.
3. We also saw Funeral For a Friend in Aberystwyth on the first night of their tour in March. Not many people will know this, but this particular band holds a special place in my heart as it was when Tom and I first went to see them together as friends a few years ago (also in Aberystwyth as it happens) that I started to realise that maybe we really were supposed to be more than just friends...
3. Speaking of friends, my friend Victoria and her husband James had their first child, a gorgeous little girl Ffion Emma, in March!
4. Still on the theme of relationships, Tom and I decided to move into our own place and after a long search we eventually moved into our awesome house in May - happy days! Thanks so much to all our friends and family who lent us furniture and helped carry heavy and/or bulky things in and out of vans and up twisty stairs all day!
http://www.bigbrotherwatch.org.uk
5. It was the year of weddings and engagements as one of my oldest friends from primary school got married in July, followed by the wedding of one of my close friends from work in August, and then finally an old friend from the Netherlands got married at the end of August. Our friends Jemma and Steve also got engaged as did Tom's sister and her fiance Nick!
6. (Related to no. 5) Tom got asked to be a groomsman and I got asked to be a bridesmaid for Jemma and Steve's wedding next April. I'm happy that I got to spend some quality girl time with Jemma and Maid of Honour Cassy (including watching the Wedding Singer for the first time!) and we went to The Wedding Show at the NEC and successfully found the perfect wedding dress for Jem.
7. Going back in time slightly, I took Tom to see Bon Jovi in concert in Manchester for his birthday in June. We were right in the Gold Circle which meant we had a great view of the band and Jon Bon Jovi himself walked right past us during one of the songs. It might have rained all afternoon, but it was a great concert nonetheless! Here's a link to some pics I took. (Yes, it was before Tom got his hair cut...)
8. I nourished my latent creativity by making wall hangings from my postcard collection and I also made a cool book as part of Tom's Christmas present. I'm taking him to see Alkaline Trio next May but won't get the tickets until next year but wanted to give him something related to it... The words are the lyrics for the song 'Private Eye' which I cut from paper clipppings (seemed appropriate).
One of my proudest achievements :)
9. It was a great year for cooking as well, although there have been a few narrowly avoided disasters including the recent 'Chocolate Pudding Incident' in which I couldn't figure out why my cake mixture tasted so awful... until I realised I'd forgotten to add the bowl of sugar that was patiently waiting on the sideboard... Doh! I've been given so many awesome recipe books this year and also discovered loads of cool and interesting recipes through Stumble Upon and Pinterest. Some of the recipes I've written up on here, but there are loads more I've tried and not had time to write up but I'll try and get round to as many as I can this next year.
10. Speaking of which, another important event was starting this blog - yippee! It's been great learning how to use all the features on here and I've really enjoyed the opportunity to get back into writing more regularly. I hope if you've read any of it that it's not been too boring...
Inside Bath Abbey clock tower
11.To counteract all the time spent indoors cooking, writing, and looking up recipes on BBC Food, we did however visit some brilliant places this year. We had a great weekend visiting my uni friends in Brighton, and spent our holiday in Bath Spa where we saw some truly amazing things like the Roman Baths and beautiful country parks, and climbed up inside the Abbey Clock Tower. We also went to my friend's wedding in Holland which was really good fun, and we explored places closer to home like Barmouth, Llandudno, Llangollen, Pontcysyllte, and Llandegla Forest for some great walks, day trips and weekends away.
12. Upon my return from Holland though I got labyrinthitis and ended up being off work for two weeks, which was the longest period of sick leave I've ever had to take in my life so it was very weird. I couldn't read or watch TV, and I struggled to cook or even get around the house and do basic tasks so it was a really frustrating time in my life, having to rely on other peple to help me with almost everything. I still every now and then feel a bit dizzy, but for the most part it's gone so I'm really pleased it's over!!
13. As I started to recover from my labyrinthitis I got seriously addicted to the TV series Lost, having previously only ever watched a spoof version of it on Youtube by Tom's sister and her friends (see youtube video below). Despite the spoilers, I did still sob my heart out everytime someone died, especially like during the finale.
14. Back in the real world, sadly a few people passed away including my nieces' grandmother Sandy, and a friend of my mother's also lost her husband. My lovely cousin Jenny was also diagnosed with breast cancer this summer. However, as I mentioned in a previous post she seems to be going strong and has recently finished her chemotherapy, so we're all hoping the next few stages of her recovery go smoothly and are sending our love and messages to her via Caring Bridge.
www.cricbeat.com
15. We were also saddened by the tragic death of MotoGP rider Marco Simoncelli this year. I've really enjoyed watching the racing on iPlayer with Tom this year so it was a real shock to hear about Marco's awful crash. He was very young and had already achieved so much in such a short amount of time. I'm reminded of a phrase often used to describe the short-lived career of 19th Century French poet Artur Rimbaud, "meteoric".
16. Speaking of which, we also had a brilliant couple of nights star-gazing and watching the meteor showers with some friends and I also went on a night ride up to the Horseshoe Pass with Tom to see if we could see any more. That is one of the best things about living in less built-up areas, the stars are so much more visible than in urban places.
17. I had my uni friends over to stay and we went on our first ever Valley Run (a pub crawl on minibuses around village pubs in the local area). It was just fantastic seeing my friends again, and it was well timed as I'd been going through a tough time at work so it was something fun to look forward to. It unfortunately coincided with our shower choosing to leak everywhere and drip water through the living room ceiling - aghh!
18. My younger brother Patrick became Programme Director for and helped launch a Not-For-Profit enterprise Spectrum Designs Foundation which provides employment opportunities for individuals with developmental disabilities such as Autism. I even appeared in the September issue of their Newsletter in one of their shirts. Here's a promotional video below to explain more about what they do and why!
19. My friend Tammy kindly lent Tom and me a tree and decorations for our first Christmas in our house!
20. I met up with old buddies from France for a weekend in Manchester before Christmas for a rowdy "Mulled Wine and Mariah Carey" party (Mariah wasn't actually there in person, but there was lots of singing along and dancing to classic Christmas tunes).
21. In some very, very exciting news, I also accepted a job offer for a position in a publishing company not far from where we live. People who know me will know how much I LOVE books, so this is a very exciting move for me, and I can't wait to start this new challenge at the end of the month. :D
22. Finally I actually got to see all my family on Christmas Day. Last year my brother Patrick couldn't make it back from the States because of the bad weather so it was amazing to have all the family together in one place over the Christmas period.
So there you have it. Some good bits, some not so good bits, but overall, I think I'm starting to move in the right direction. That's one of the things that's good about keeping a diary or writing a blog, is that you can look back at where you were at a while ago and check where you've got to. That's not to say I'm one for resolutions or that I've got a big strategic plan for myself, but I've certainly got some plans for next year and with a bit of work (and with the help of this blog to keep me on track) I hope I'll achieve them.
With that in mind I hope you've all had a wonderful Holiday and wish you all the very best for 2012!
Cheers!
x
On Sunday night, we got hit by the tail end of the Hurricane Katia and although it was comparatively mild where we live in the Shropshire borderlands, it did still cause a hell of a racket.
I've mentioned before how having labyrinthitis makes you feel as if you're on a ship at sea, well on Sunday night it sounded like the whole house was a ship at sea. The gusts would start low and quiet and then whoosh over and crash around the house like waves, joined by high-pitched, shrill whistles as it rushed through gaps in wooden fences and the corrugated sheet roof of the garage next door, the clatter of bins being knocked over, and gates rattling and banging against fences. The irregular patter of rain drops swept against the sky lights by the gusts of wind was like sea spray on a boat as it pitches dangerously from side to side. It genuinely felt like the house was being battered by a really rough storm, and it took quite some time before we were able to drift off to sleep again. I think we all (I had family staying over that night) felt somewhat nervous by so much noise, even though there really wasn't much risk of damage in our area, but it just felt as if something bad might be about to happen.
The fact that Sunday was also the 10th anniversary of 9/11, made me think of poor young Dorothy Gale in 'The Wizard of Oz' (my favourite film as a child) getting caught in that twister. Dorothy's character, as played by Judy Garland, is knocked unconscious inside her house, which is raised and dropped from a great height and eventually crash lands into a whole new world of technicolor vision, and for her nothing will ever look the same again. Similarly our world was changed forever in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and not only in the sense of that specific act of death and destruction, but as with Dorothy's experience in Oz which was often frightening and fraught with danger, the way we view the world (and each other) has changed as well.
[Anyone interested in this might want to watch the British film Yasmin (2004) which looks at how the 9/11 attacks affect the lives of a Pakistani community living in West Yorkshire, and in particular how prejudice, intolerance, and the anti-terrorism measures may have led to increased tensions between different communities, and even pushed people towards extremism.]
Time is a funny thing. In some ways it's hard to believe that 10 full years have passed already - just where have they gone exactly? When I first found out about the twin towers plane crashes, I was on the school bus back home at the end of one of the first few days of sixth form. At around that time I met and became close friends with the man who would eventually become my boyfriend and with whom I now live. Time seems to have flown by in that sense. On the other hand the resulting war in Iraq seems to have dragged on for an eternity. Yes, in 10 years the world has most definitely changed, almost beyond all recognition. Yet despite the passage of time, for many the pain of grief, the feelings of loss of loved ones will never ease. And I don't of course just mean those who died in the attacks on New York and the Pentagon, but all those who have lost their lives as a result of that event; those fighting in the Middle East, and subsequent terrorist attacks such as those that took place in London on 7th July 2005, and in other attacks around the world.
Getty ImagesPhoto By Getty Images/Chip SomodevillaSun, Sep 11, 2011
For those that were present at the Memorial events in New York and who were grieving the loss of friends, family, and co-workers, it might seem, like Dorothy when she awakens in her bed in Kansas, that barely a day has passed since that fateful day, when the world was literally turned upside down.
For my mother, the attacks on September 11th 2001, signalled the start of a series of pretty awful events in her professional and personal life. For one thing she turned 50 on the 12th, the day after the attacks took place. While many people choose to celebrate their 50th with big family parties where they can joke about being over the hill with a glass of bubbly in one hand and a piece of cake in the other ("Ooh I shouldn't really, I've not got the figure of a teenager anymore... but it is my birthday after all"). In my Mum's case, my Dad had arranged a lovely and thoughtful day out at the races in a posh car, which was owned and chauffeured by a family friend, but unfortunately with the shock of the previous day's events still sinking in, Mum really didn't feel like celebrating her birthday at all, let alone swanning around like a lady of leisure at the races. After much cajoling she was persuaded to go along with the plan, but when my Dad mentioned that he would like to take shopping as well so that she could pick out something she liked, she had to put her foot down. How could she possibly want to go shopping after what had happened?
Mum quite often talks about 9/11 as a catalyst for all the big changes that took place in her and our lives after the attacks. What happened immediately before the milestone of her 50th birthday made her question a lot of what she had previously taken as given in her life. I won't name names or apportion blame as that would be unprofessional, but sadly this spelled the beginning of the end of my parent's marriage, which in turn led to the liquidation of the family training business (which my mother had built up over the last 18 years), us eventually moving house, periods of unemployment, and so on and so on. Over the past decade, Mum has had more than her fair share of crap to deal with, from Administrators (always with a capital A in my mind since we lost the business), to lawyers, planners, banks, redundancy, debts, DIY, and dating.
But now 10 years have come to pass, and Mum has now turned 60 (although you wouldn't think it if you didn't know). Like her 50th, the idea of a lavish celebration that happened to coincide with the 9/11 10 year anniversary seemed wholly inappropriate, so instead of a big party we just invited Mum and my siblings round to our place for a bottle of bubbly, followed by a yummy curry in town, and everyone stayed with us so Mum didn't have to drive. On the next day, Mum's actual birthday, I accompanied Mum and my younger sister Annie to Cardiff to drop her off at her new house before the start of the third year in Uni. For some reason on the way down Mum kept saying how much she wanted to buy a Sting album (specifically one with the Brand New Day track).
We had a tasty lunch at Gourmet Burger Kitchen (yay!) in the city centre and then Mum and I drove home with Sting playing on repeat on the car stereo.
The track, Brand New Day, was to be her new anthem, and it would be symbolic of the end of a horrible decade, and the start of something new. Far from feeling depressed about turning 60, she was feeling really positive and had loads of ideas of things she wanted to do with herself in this new period of her life. We both decided we wanted to "do more". I opened up about feeling frustrated by being stuck at home with this labyrinthitis, and decided that I wanted to get out and do more interesting things that were for me - not just watching films with friends (you can do that anywhere and anytime), but I want to see more exhibitions and plays, and go to more concerts and gigs, things that might not necessarily be 'couple things', but that I still want to do, whether it's with other friends or family, or just on my own.
I'm really enjoying writing at the moment, so I'm going to keep that up and I also want to keep learning new things. I'm thinking of signing up for a course in web design which would no doubt help me with my current job and take a bit of pressure off our in house designer, but it would also be another string to my bow in general. I'm going to keep on selling things on Amazon and Ebay to help clear out the junk, and clear my overdraft.
But that's not to say that the end of a decade is just about wiping the slate clean - a lot of good things have happened over the past 10 years as well as the bad ones. During my time off work, I've finally started sorting out all the postcards that I've collected over the years and I'm hoping to display them creatively, if not stylishly (but not holding my breath) around the house. I've already got some up in the downstairs loo!
"What's the use of Enlightenment, when you're out of loo roll?"
Looking back through these old postcards helps me remember the places I've been to and the fun times I've had with friends and family, but it also motivates me to see new places and to keep my mind active and curious.
What Ihave to remember is that it is up to me to make the decisions that are important in my life, and how it will turn out over the next 10 years. There's no use in regretting past decisions, or blaming circumstances for being unhappy about something in your life, if you're not willing to do anything about it. That would be a very good example of Sartre's "bad faith" or mauvaise foi.
Turn the clock to zero, honey / I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money / We're starting up a Brand New Day.
Turn the clock to zero, boss / The river's wide, we'll swim across / Started up a Brand New Day
Ok, so it's about time I wrote a little about this bloody dizziness. A lot of friends and family have been really concerned on my behalf, which has been lovely but it's been quite hard to accurately explain to people what it actually feels like, at least from my perspective. I think everyone's been worried that's it's something more malicious than I'm letting on, so the purpose of this post is firstly to put people's minds at rest, and also perhaps to try to articulate some of the features of viral labyrinthitis, which is what I've been diagnosed with.
Viral labyrinthitis, if you've not heard of it before, is an inner ear infection which affects your balance, with the common physical symptoms being vertigo (dizziness) and nausea. Luckily in my case I've actually not had much nausea at all since the first time I started getting dizzy (about 3 or 4 weeks ago now). Back then I didn't actually think I was ill, I just felt spaced out and like I wasn't able to focus at work. The main feeling was a feeling of being on a boat, or sea legs as I sometimes call it. It feels as if the floor beneath you or walls around you are moving, even though in my case it doesn't often feel like things are swimming in front of my eyes, and I don't have blurred vision. Nowadays, I also occasionally feel as if my right ear is blocked slightly, and my head feels "full" if that makes sense? If I've spent too much of the day with visual stimuli e.g. e-mails, reading, typing (!), and TV, then I do feel a headache growing as the day goes on, and I might also feel a bit nauseous in the evening, but for the best part I don't feel as if I am a "sick person".
The video link below was made for the NHS by a long-term sufferer Rebecca, and this explains quite well what it feels like to have labyrinthitis, and how it can affect your life.
The first time I felt this dizzy, floor moving sensation, I just put it down to being in an old-ish building at work and thought that maybe the floorboards were a bit loose. But I also noticed that I was dropping things without reason - I'm quite clumsy normally, but just letting a glass of water drop out of your hands is a bit abnormal even for me. That first evening a few weeks ago I did feel really physically sick, but did not actually throw up, which in hindsight I'm really glad about.
Now that I've been told it's viral labyrinthitis, I'm so, so glad I've been spared the nausea for the most part. I've heard of family members and parents of close friends who've had it in a severe way - for instance, they can't move their head at all without throwing up. Thankfully I have not had that at all, although I did have a few distressing moments before I eventually got to the docs.
The second time I remember feeling strangely dizzy was at my friend's wedding in the Netherlands (see previous post). We were standing on some wooden decking in the courtyard outside the venue, and I just attributed the wobbly feeling to the wooden floor flexing and bending slightly beneath our weight, and for the best part of the day I felt mostly fine (albeit a little bit emotional, which I put down to hormones and the context of the wedding.) Perhaps the alcohol and hormones masked the symptoms, but who knows?
It was only when I went back to work on the Friday for Staff Development that I noticed I was feeling dizzy and wobbly pretty much constantly. During a tour of some new facilities for the Entry and Pre-Entry department (one of the few elements of work that I think are absolutely great), I had to lean up against some lockers to keep my balance, even though I didn't feel like I was likely to fall over, I just felt like I needed support and that perhaps not relying on my own legs would make the spinning sensation ease up. It was almost as if my legs didn't quite belong to me bizarrely. Later during an awards presentation everyone stood up to applaud the chair of the governors, and I had to sit down again immediately. It must have been the sudden movement but I felt myself get very hot almost instantaneously, and felt extremely lightheaded and weak, and bizarrely, I also felt tears well up in my eyes.
On that first day it did feel pretty disconcerting, but I couldn't think why I would suddenly want to cry for no reason, but I suppose subconsciously it must have been panic. In a weird way, I think the tears made me even more concerned, as I didn't feel like I was anxious or stressed about anything in particular, so I couldn't explain where they came from. When I finally decided to go home early, I had to sit still in the car for a good ten minutes to calm down before turning on the engine.
As my new surgery doesn't have a walk in emergency surgery session, I had to wait until Monday before seeing anyone. In the meantime I did a bit of my own research to try and figure out what it might be. The NHS Direct symptom checker was not particularly helpful as at first it seemed to suggest that I might be having a stroke (the questionnaire only asks you to indicate yes or no if you have any of the symptoms, and won't let you clarify which ones, or indicate on a scale how severe those symptoms are). But after a bit more research I was pretty convinced that it was something like Labyrinthitis and came across a really helpful website written by two long-term sufferers Emma and Isla. http://www.labyrinthitis.org.uk/
One of the most important things the website helped explain me to was not just how I was feeling physically but how I was feeling emotionally.
For someone like me who does everything at top speed, who walks and talks quickly, having to slow right down and do everything at a snail's pace, and in some cases do nothing at all, was unbelievably frustrating, and I think that's perhaps why I felt tearful at work. Depression is actually a very common feature of viral labyrinthitis, especially since because it is a viral illness there is not much you can do medically to make it go away. I have been medication to help the symptoms of vertigo and help prevent nausea, but I have to admit I've not noticed any let up in on the dizziness front.
One of the main things I find frustrating is not being able to cook. Normally I do the vast majority of the cooking in the house which I love (have I mentioned how much I love food?), but now standing up for long periods of time (we don't have a kitchen table where I can sit to prep food) increases the dizziness, but also there's the moving around the kitchen, reaching and bending to fetch ingredients from different cupboards, or check on something in the oven. As Rebecca mentioned in the video above, one of the worst things is bending your head downwards, so even looking at a pan on the hob can make the dizziness worse.
This obviously applies to other things besides cooking, like getting dressed, moving around the house, picking stuff up from the floor, and having showers. Me and my sister had a laugh about it when she came to help me work from home earlier on this week, as I jokingly asked her if she'd sit on the bed in my room and listen out for me in case I slipped over and 'brained myself' on the shower cubicle. I've had to learn how to pick stuff up from the floor by bending my knees and squatting rather than bending from my waist and back, and by not looking at whatever it is I want, but instead looking straight ahead and groping blindly until I find it. I feel a little bit like Ziyi Zhang playing a blind woman in House of Flying Daggers, or as if I'm a toy doll who's neck and waist won't bend like the rest of the body. It's awkward and I probably wouldn't want to do it in public, but at least it stops me tipping my head forward.
Not like I'm going out in public much. I find walking slowly so annoying (I was one of those people who "Liked" the Facebook group about hating being behind slow-walking people), and I also find that when I walk I want to find things I can loosely hold on to if need be, which makes me feel self-conscious. It's like being on an ice rink and wanting to hold on to the rails I suppose, except in the real world there isn't always something to hold on to. That's one of the main things that upsets me, is this feeling of vulnerability, and feeling a bit useless and dependent on other people and things.
As I said before I don't necessarily feel like I am a 'sick person'. I don't have a fever, and I don't feel shivery. I don't have a sore throat, or hacking cough, and I don't have red eyes or a snotty nose. My sense of smell and appetite pretty normal - I even joked to my boyfriend that I was a bit sad not to have nausea as I could normally rely on being sick to help shift a few unwanted pounds. But in this instance I've eaten a fair bit of junk food when I'm home alone, and the lack of physical activity is certainly not going to help.
In general I feel fine - just dizzy, so anyone who is worrying please don't *smiley face* I am taking things slowly, so I'm not likely to collapse, or fall down the stairs, and the boyfriend and the rest of my family are really looking after me at home, so I'm not going to starve or anything like that!! I'm hopeful that this will sort itself out sooner or later (3 - 8 weeks is the average apparently, which does still feel like I long time to me). I don't feel ill (according to my narrow definition at least), just... incapable sometimes, with respect to how the dizziness affects your day-to-day life, but then no worrying I or anyone else does is going to help that.
So I hope you feel reassured that I'm not dying, and that it's just a blip. On one end of the spectrum I even at times feel a little like a fraud. Because I don't feel sick, and don't feel that I look or sound sick (despite my mother claiming I looked washed out - that's because I haven't worn make up in days Mum), I worry that some people (people at work in particular) might think I'm just skiving. Because it's something that is so interior, that is so invisible to the untrained eye, I worry that some people will think I'm just malingering or attention seeking, and I feel bad every time someone tells me to go to bed and rest, and offers to do shopping/cleaning for me, or just asks how I'm doing with a tone of serious concern in their voice. In the scale of things, I feel like this 'dizzy' problem is nothing compared to some stuff. I know of at least 3 people who have been diagnosed with some form of cancer in the past 6 months, two of whom are barely 40, one of whom is suffering from terrible chemo side effects, and one of whom has been given a matter of weeks to live. So in the scale of things, I feel bloody lucky.
