Letting off steam....

The last few weeks at work have been frustrating to say the least, to the point where I've felt at times like I just wanted to walk out. I'm not going to go into details as it would be unprofessional and also it will just make me mad again but suffice it to say that right now I'm feeling pretty darn low about work.

When I was a student I probably worked longer hours than I do now (partly because my boss claims they can only afford to pay me for four days/week), weekends were my prime essay-writing/translating/grammar exercising times, and I probably had even less money than I do now. But somehow, even though being a student certainly had stresses of it's own, I was happy to put up with that, safe in the knowledge that, hopefully, one day, all the hours spent in confusion over some mental 19th Century French poetry, the late nights grappling with German philosophers where even the English translations left me completely in the dark, and even the pain of Elaine's Showalter's "The Female Malady", one day, all this would all be worth it. One day I'd get a job that would challenge and inspire me - or at the very least, cover the bills and make me feel ok about getting up in the morning.

Before graduating back in 2009, I had no idea, honestly no idea, how important - or rather vital - weekends would be in my adult working life. Before then TGI Fridays just meant a chain of restaurants, but now I rely on Chris Moyles' 'McFly Day' on the Friday morning commute and Scott Mills' 'Wonderyears' to get me through the week, and bring me into the weekend where I can finally let my hair down and let off some steam.

'Letting off steam' as a phrase reminds me of one of the more memorable lectures I have had as a language student. Martin Crowley, one of our 20th Century French specialists, was giving the lecture on a Monday morning and he started off by commenting that some of the students looked a bit worse for wear, which he surmised was most likely the result of having been out over the weekend 'letting off steam' in true student fashion, e.g. drinking, dancing (or moshing if you're that way inclined), and singing til the wee hours, joking, laughing, larking about, copping off with that person you fancied from your seminar, throwing up, perhaps getting in a fight outside Gardi's (the legendary kebab shop on Rose Crescent), stealing the odd traffic cone or two, or heaven forbid, running across the pristine lawns in college (a privilege reserved for academics and their guests) if you really felt like putting up two fingers to the 'system' - in other words being rowdy. Over the course of the lecture (even though at the time it didn't really feel like a lecture), he tried to get us to think about why we feel the need to 'let off steam'.

Illustration: Ezio Geneletti/Getty Images

If you think about it, we, as students or employees, work hard all week to either get paid, or to complete our assignments so we can eventually graduate with a decent enough qualification to get us paid work. The weekend, or whatever time off we get off, is therefore a socially sanctioned opportunity to act wild and let our hair down in order to vent all the pent up frustration, stress, and petty grievances that build up over the course of the working week. Venting all of this pressure helps us get it out of our systems, so we can simmer down, so that we start the following week somewhat less stressed and frustrated, allowing us to continue to function as students and employees. If you think of the weekend as a safety valve on a boiler, if we didn't have the opportunity to 'let off steam', if our safety valve was missing or faulty, then the pressure would keep building and building and building, until eventually... something a bit like this would happen:

Now the point of the lecture, when it eventually came out, was the suggestion that the cycle of working, de-pressurising, then working again, actually plays a vital role in keeping people working, in keeping us functioning, kind of like human pressure vessels, so that the economy can keep going. As Mythbusters host Adam Savage comments, at 85,500 pounds of pressure, you'd fail too. If we did not have the opportunity to regularly vent, then we would eventually 'fail', and then not only would we be of no use to our employers, but nor would we be any use to the economy as a whole. In some cases, if pressure continues to build and is never properly vented, then you end up with seemingly normal people 'going postal' and murdering their co-workers and managers. [If you're wondering how on earth this links to French literature it has something to do with transgressive (some might say pornographic) writer Georges Bataille who proposed an economic theory involving excess, waste, and non-productive activities].

It's quite a cynical standpoint, one for the likes of Rage Against The Machine frontman Zack de la Rocha, but I have to admit, not only do we see examples of this kind of conduct in 'celebrities' like Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears (who didn't just let her hair down but shaved it all off), and a whole raft of professional sportsmen and women, but I also recognise some of those behaviours in myself, my friends, my co-workers, and my family (not the killing people part, though the thought has occurred to me recently). When I finished my final exams at uni, some friends and I climbed over the fence of the outdoor swimming pool at the end of a night out and went swimming in our underwear. More recently, (last Friday) I felt really angry and upset about work, so we went to see a comic play 'The Village Fete' by my old ADS group in Guilsfield, which was brilliant as it made me roar laughing and therefore made me feel a hell of a lot better about things. (If only the government saw the real value of the arts...*sigh*)

And last night, we met up with some friends to wonder around the Christmas fair in town, and me and my best friend Amy decided to go on the Waltzers. Now either we have aged terribly in the last couple of years, or this thing was going far, far faster than recommended, but we both felt like our heads were going to get ripped off, Amy thought she was going to be sick, and for ages after the ride had finished I felt like I had labyrinthitis again I was so dizzy and wobbly on my feet. But despite the terrifying speed of the ride, we both laughed and yelled from start to finish, and I certainly felt better and happier afterwards.

Now obviously different people let off steam in different ways, arguably in more healthy ways than going on a massive bender and feeling rough for the rest of the weekend. Some people have movie nights with friends. Some people work out, or go running, horse riding, or mountain biking. Some people go shopping (even better for the economy!!). Some people do yoga or meditate. Some people play adrenaline filled computer games where they can race fast cars or fight bad guys (Tom recently finished Batman Arkham Asylum). Some people write angry letters to the newspaper about this and that. And some people cook.

http://athomewithmrsm.blogspot.com/2007/07/baking-madness.html

I once worked with a guy whose wife baked when she was in a bad mood, and baked when she was in a good mood, which he was more than happy about, and sometimes I feel the same. I certainly feel that cooking something delicious really lifts my spirits if I've had a bad day. If I'm feeling unappreciated at work, cooking a dish that gives someone else pleasure and enjoyment is a way of re-building self-esteem. For an amateur cook like myself who normally needs to follow a recipe, cooking is an activity that requires me to really focus on what I'm doing right now, to really be in the present moment. If my mind wonders back to something that's worrying me or frustrating me about work, then I lose concentration on what I'm supposed to be doing - I lose track of time and leave a pan on the stove for too long, or put in too much of ingredient x, or cut my finger chopping carrots - and as a result the dish normally ends up being not quite right. So for me, cooking is an excellent activity on two counts - not only does it immerse me in an activity that takes my mind off other things, but it also (most of the time) results in something tasty, and everyone knows how much I love eating good food!

For Julie Powell, the heroine of the film 'Julie & Julia' (based on the book by Powell), the reason she loves cooking is as follows:

"Chocolate cream pie! You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. You can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. That's such a comfort."

From Julie & Julia, 2009

So having written this long post, how much better am I feeling about work? Well, writing my thoughts down generally makes me feel better, and thinking about cooking makes me feel better. But does it actually change how I feel about work? The answer is no. My situation has not changed one bit. 'Letting off steam' is fine for keeping me 'ticking over' but it does not address or provide solutions to the issues I have about my current job. It's just a distraction / escapism tactic. I think nowadays, in times of recession and escalating utility bills and where a lack of alternatives means I cannot afford to just walk away, it is easier to just keep 'ticking over' in the same position, than it is to take a leap of faith and attempt to do something different. But deep down, I'm not sure that 'letting off steam' in the ways I've outlined above is going to be enough to stop me from exploding sooner or later.

On that happy note, I really hope you all have an amazing weekend whatever you end up doing! :)
Take care x